Wednesday, September 26, 2001

monologue

Monologue

Shame!
You look so sad!
Like you want out,
Your mendicant gaze
Leaves no doubt.
Looking for a saviour?
Sorry, there's no one here.
Try tomorrow,
The next day
After that...
How about never?
Is that a tear?
Dust in your eye, right?
No?
Oh, I see,
You're hurt.
Cut inside.
Feel like dirt?
(yes, but you'll
never feel as
unworthy as me)
Oh No!
You look all shredded.
Tsk. Tsk.
I feel for you
Like you felt for me,
Remember?
When I drowned
In the blood
Of my bleeding soul.
When I suffocated
In the emotion's
Death stranglehold.
Where was my saviour?
My redemption?
I found none in you,
Only your derision
As you built your pedestal
Above me.
Now you look to me
With circular tear-rimmed eyes,
Searching for your sunshine
And the clear blue skies.
You'll find none in me,
That's assured.
When my days were black,
And the sun deserted me,
I found no light in
Your gaze,
Only bitter, vile gall
Of feigned friendship and
Faked respect.
And you dare to
Reach out to me for help?

My back is turned.

Monday, September 24, 2001

so you found your angel

So you found your angel
And it wasn't me,
So it's time I stop romancing
Wishing us to be.


Halt! The thoughts
Brake! All fantasy
Cease! Reiteratant dreaming
Stop! Impotent reverie


No more mind of darkness where
All that shone was your light.
No more fancy illusion cloaked
In satin day or shroud of night.


No longer will I chase
After the elusive dreams
Along the banks of diamond rivers
And the fairy streams.



What once was but my
Breath for your breath,
Now become mine alone.
What once was but my
Dream for your dream,
Has no place in this soul of stone.